True Tales by Disability Advocates
Where advocates harness the power of storytelling to build community with their peers and hope to develop empathy in others. A team of disability advocates creates this True Tales podcast to share personal stories by disabled storytellers and add their voices to the growing community of podcast listeners.
True Tales by Disability Advocates
Making Connections and Changing Lives
Making Connections and Changing Lives
In this episode of the True Tales by Disability Advocates Podcast, hosts MsBoye, Jennifer McKinney, and Adam Griebel present stories from disability advocates. The episode includes a reflection on Mesko's early advocacy and a reading of his story "Glen," followed by an interview with advocate Kyle Cox, highlighting the importance of community connections and perseverance. Guest host Toby Al-Trabulsi engages with Kyle about his advocacy journey, emphasizing the need for self-advocacy and the role of supportive relationships.
Podcast logo ID: Bottom left Mesko wearing glasses and a flat cap smiles into the camera. Bottom right Kyle Cox male with short brown hair smiling, seated wearing a light blue button-down shirt, red tie. All above TRUE TALES BY DISABILITY ADVOCATES SEASON 3 Art Spark Texas
Guest Bio
Kyle Cox graduated from Texas A&M in 2018 with a degree in Political Science, then received his Master of Public Administration from the Bush School of Public Service and Government in 2020.
Born in El Paso, Texas with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, a progressive muscle disorder that is the leading fatal genetic disorder in children, Kyle has learned to navigate a world not designed for people with disabilities. He has fully immersed himself in both the disability and the “abled” communities and has adopted the mantra “It’s not the disability, it’s the ABILITY” choosing to focus on his abilities.
While at Texas A&M, Kyle was involved in numerous campus organizations including the Diversity Commission, Beta Upsilon Chi (BYX) Christian fraternity, Aggie Adaptive Sports, the Bush School Ambassador's Council, the Symphonic Band, and the Hullabaloo Pep band. He was twice elected to the Student Senate and was elected to the Bush School Ambassador Council. He was also Chairman and Founder of the Disability Subcommission.
Kyle served on the Student Advisory Board for Disability Services and the planning committees for the Student Services Building and the 21st Century Classroom Building. Kyle served as a delegate for the MSC Fall Leadership Conference and the Abbott Family Leadership Conference and has worked with many Texas A&M officials, Disability Services, and the Center on Disability and Development to improve inclusion and accessibility on the A&M campus.
In the Spring of 2018, Kyle received the Gary Grey Accountability, Climate, and Equity (ACE) Award for his work in advocacy, and in the Spring of 2020, the Buck Weirus Award.
Upon graduation, Kyle chose to remain in Aggieland and launched his own consulting company, Cox Consultants, which offers policy consulting and analytics to businesses and agencies.
Links:
https://www.facebook.com/KylesKomrades/
https://kylecoxeportfolio.weebly.com/
https://www.facebook.com/CoxConsultants/
Videos:
https://vimeo.com/269928141/236823631
https://vimeo.com/269928141/269928141
Highlights
00:43 Welcome
01:23 Episode Intro
03:10 Mesko Intro
06:32 Story - "Getting Older" by Mesko
07:44 Hosts & Chris Chat
07:47 Phenomena, not Conclusion
12:15 Toby Welcomes Kyle
14:02 Story - "Advocacy, Education, and Relationships" by Kyle Cox
Click here to listen with the full transcript.
For more details about our programs go to Art Spark Texas, True Tales Podcast Page.
Segments of this podcast were read by an automated voice. Inconsistencies in pronunciation and tone may occur.
Welcome to True Tales by Disability Advocates Podcast, authentic voices of people thriving with disabilities, where individuals use the art of storytelling to change the world.
John Beer:The True Tales by Disability Advocates Podcast is produced by Art Spark Texas, Speaking Advocates Program. The free virtual training is open to people of all disabilities, no matter where you live.
Kamand Alaghehband:Keep listening to hear how life's challenges can spark a desire to speak out, and Advocate for yourselves and others.
MsBoye:Hello, you're listening to The True Tales by Disability Advocates Podcast. Changing the world one story at a time. This is the show where advocates harness the power of storytelling to build community with their peers and develop empathy in others. Hello, everyone, I'm MsBoye.
Jennifer:I'm Jennifer McKinney,
Adam:I'm Adam Griebel,
MsBoye:...and we are your hosts for season three.
Jennifer:We started season three by looking back at some of the stories from the early 90s. Chris Strickling introduced us to a few folks of Actual Lives Austin through their stories. Unfortunately, these amazing folks are no longer with us.
Adam:We're going to start this episode with Mesko he was another storyteller from the early days of Actual Lives.
MsBoye:Then in the second half of the show, we'll meet Karl Cox. He's a brilliant young advocate who shares his story about how essential it is to make connections with If we want to change the world.
Adam:Yes, and our own lives.
Jennifer:That's so true, Adam. I find that when I have healthy relationships with friends that give me good feedback and true feedback, it helps me figure out what's really going on in my life.
MsBoye:Yeah. I know that, um, it's the people I've been most connected with in my life that, um, help me create big changes in my life through their honesty. So I'm really grateful for that. And for somebody like me, who, uh, knows I need friends, but prefers friends who never call me and don't want me to do anything, I, I, I have to work very hard at that.
Adam:Adam Laughs! Oh, stop it! Stop it!
Jennifer:Laughter!
Adam:Laughs. All right.
Jennifer:Yay! I can't wait to hear these stories again.
Adam:Well, we better start then!...
MsBoye:All right, let's listen to Chris chatting with us about Mesko and his story,"Glenn."
Chris:This is a story by Mesko, which is this man's, uh, kind of his stage name. Um, about cowards.
MsBoye:That's right. But it's also about how, when we make connections with other people, that can act as a catalyst for change in ourselves, but it can also create change in the world around us.
Mesko:“Glen”, by Mesko Bullies were a major influence on my young life, way before I had a disability. I went to a Catholic grade school, the nuns were the enemy for all of us boys, so I didn't have to worry about classmates picking on me. That changed when I got into public junior high. I was tall, but soft and flabby and uncoordinated a natural target for bullies. I got pushed around a lot, and I was always afraid. I remember one kid in 7th grade challenged me to a fight after school, in a local alley. I showed up at this place with a host of spectators waiting. I had no idea what I'd do when I got there, but luckily the other kid didn't even show up. It got worse in 8th grade. There was this guy named Jim Hill, a big, ugly, dumb kid who delighted in pushing me around. Finally, one day I'd just had enough and I turned and glared at him. Maybe I already had a little bit of the villain's look that I became known for in my stage play days. He backed off. Most bullies are cowards I was 14 when I took up weightlifting. I was tired of being beat up. The local bullies, most of them, quit bugging me when I started pulling weights. I got my first set of weights and within a year I'd gained enough weight and got strong enough that the bullying stopped. Finally, even the two biggest, dumbest bullies gave it up they just quit one day Period. I didn't know why. I never got a chance to learn to fistfight, but I know that if I had gotten lucky, and actually connected with somebody's jaw: he would have felt it. My friend Glen Randall was not a rocket scientist. He just wasn’t, and he knew it. He liked hanging around with me. Why? I’d turn him on to things, books, movies and the like He was more of a physical type than me. Much more! Glen was not only good at fighting, he liked to fight! He dies of brain cancer in his late twenties, before I even know that he was sick. Many years later, I found out that Glen had taken each one of the Bad Boys who were bullying me, into a back alley and beat the crap out of them, after telling them,“Leave Mesko Alone!” He had my back, Big Time! I never got to say,"Thank You" as a teen. I am saying it now! Glen,"Thank You!"
Jennifer:Sounds like Mesko had some good friends.
Chris:He did. He was a good friend. He had Multiple Sclerosis, and it, it just, umm... Went really slow for him. So....
MsBoye:He didn't grow up identifying as disabled because he wasn't, but as he aged, he was also experiencing the progression of the MS, right? Uh, that must have taken a lot to navigate. You've got another piece that I think talks to that. Would you be willing to read that for us now? I think it's time to hear it...
Chris:Here's, here's a piece he wrote a sort of, um, a sort of thing about time.
Mesko:Getting Older by Mesko. I refuse to get older, than sixteen?! What does getting older do for you? It doesn't do anything at all. Sixteen was the worst and best year of my life. I was physically a man by then. I was afraid of sex and commitment. I was learning more and more things all the time! Physically, I was in the best shape of my life! I never was an athlete, but I looked like one! I pumped iron and I looked great. Everyone, looked at me! Dad was a career Marine. It was not good at home! Instead of joining the Marine Corps, I became an actor! It was, a big disappointment for him. But being an actor, that's one way to stay young! I'm 60 years old and I've done over 60 stage plays, but because of my disease, I can no longer tread the boards! Luckily, Multiple Sclerosis has not taken my voice away! There is no point, in getting older, mentally, I feel the same! Still, no matter how hard I try, I can't stop the gray!
Adam:You know, Chris, I'm so glad we're including that story. It's important for us to include the experience of people with an acquired disability, like me.
MsBoye:I agree. You know, when I'm doing trainings, I love to point out that disability is the only minority group that anyone can join at any time, right?
Adam:Riiiight!
Jennifer:That's a very good point MsBoye.
MsBoye:Most people see disability as one big thing, right?
Adam:Yeah.
MsBoye:I think it's important for us to, um, share that.
Jennifer:Okay. I totally agree with this because. Um, most people think that you just sort of either have a disability or you don't. They don't think about acquired disabilities. Like, I've been in a doctor's office before, and people have had accidents. And they've lost an eye and it's their first time visiting with this particular prosthetic doctor, the eye prosthetic doctor. I have a prosthetic eye, but I have for a very long time, since I was two weeks old. Totally different, but it helps them to know that other people are going through what they're going through. So this is vital. Thank you for bringing this up.
MsBoye:Yeah, yeah, I think so. I think, thank you. I mean, it's definitely. Uh, really highlights that the term disability or disability community is, you know, it's much more complicated than just everybody all in one box.
Adam:Yep, there are many, many, many, many, many boxes.
Jennifer:So true.
MsBoye:Exactly! There are many boxes. Like they say, once you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. And that applies to all disabilities, I think.
Adam:Um, for the most part. I mean, there, there are some similarities. And characteristics of typical" behaviors, but... Yeah.
MsBoye:Yeah
Adam:You know, when, when, when thinking about who I was before my injury, I was, I was younger before my injury. That's it.
MsBoye:Right. And for you, You're kind of in the middle ground, you know, you didn't, um, grow up with your disability, but you also did grow up with your disability, because you were only a teenager, right? So, you're, you're totally, you're probably a different man than you would have been, without it.
Adam:Oh, yeah. But fortunately, I, I, I was given the impetus to make the decisions that I did make despite my head injury or because of my head injury or it's just life
MsBoye:Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Jennifer:I agree.
Adam:Wow! Reality, reality is not necessarily a constant.
MsBoye:Right it's not. We do it all the time, actually, it's not just about people with disabilities. It's like, human nature, we have this thing where we need to make the sense of things, and we're not comfortable with the idea of experiencing people as a phenomena, you know? We always like to make conclusions about everybody. Even if we hate it, if someone puts us in a box, you know, it's just how our brain makes sense of the world.
Adam:Oh yeah.
Jennifer:That's true. That's really true, because I feel like I've been in a box my whole life, off and on, depending on who I'm around. So I totally get that. I try to teach them in a way, and sometimes it's successful. Most of the time, it feels like it's maybe not, but that's irrelevant. I'm just sort of rambling. Sorry.
Adam:No, you were fine. All right, where to now?
MsBoye:That's a perfect segue into our second guests for this episode, Kyle Cox. For this story,"Advocacy, Education, and Relationships," we welcome back Toby Al-Trabulsi, he was a host from seasons one and two, and he's going to chat with Kyle about his story and his life. What do you think Jennifer, are we ready for Kyle's story,
Jennifer:Sounds good
Toby:I'm host Toby Al Trabulsi. I'm here with Kyle Cox, who will be sharing their story"Advocacy, Education, and Relationships." Hi, Kyle. Welcome. I'm thrilled you agreed to join us. I know you're a busy man.
Kyle:Thank you. I'm excited to be here.
Toby:It's great to have you on the podcast. Your story highlights the importance of community connections and disability advocacy. You were in grad school when you were writing this. Um, I'm interested to find out what it was like for you to make the shift from writing academically to writing a more first person narrative. Those are two very different styles.
Kyle:Yes, um, they are very two different styles. It was quite a shift going from academics to having a more personal story and living life in the community. Uh, from an academic standpoint, I just saw all the issues and I was being supported by my parents and other people, so I didn't really get to see the whole other side of things to deal with outside of the academic world. And then once I completely shifted to being in the community, that's when I really started to really share my story.
Toby:Oh, I think that's so cool and it's an immensely hard thing to do. And I think that's wonderful that you were able to, to do that and, and you made your life's work out of it. I'm super excited for you to share your story with us and then see what you have in store. Please stay tuned for Kyle's story.
Kyle:I'm Kyle Cox, and this is my story,"Advocacy, Education, and Relationships". Being a disability advocate can be hard, but educating people and building relationships have helped me persevere in this struggle. Not only am I trying to make a difference in the lives of people with disabilities, But I'm also trying to change other people's perceptions of them and introduce them to ideas about disability that differs from their long held biases, prejudices, and experiences. I've been in many situations where places have closed their doors or where people closed their minds to people with disabilities. One experience in my life was when I was talking to a Diversity Office about doing a training on disability. I was unable to convince them to do the training and why it was important for disability to be a part of diversity. I left the meeting feeling discounted, unwelcomed, that I was just not worth the effort. I just had a sense that they were not open to the idea that inclusion for us is more than compliance with the ADA, that disability is much part of diversity and intersectionality as race, class, gender, and culture. When someone makes assumptions that us as a disability community and did not listen when we offered to tell them what is important to us, what we need and the right way to do things, they contribute to the problem of closing doors to people with disabilities. I believe that educating people what it is like to live with a disability is key to opening minds. Throughout my college experience, that was my whole goal when advocating for people with disabilities. I worked on building relationships with leaders on campus, constantly putting myself in positions to continually advocate for myself and my community with relentless persistence. I had hoped to form the committee to advocate for students of all disabilities. The first few attempts were unsuccessful due to not having the right people who were committed, or not having people at the table who could make a difference. It was a lot of work, and when one attempt failed, I tried to do it a different way, and then another. Until finally, I was successful. It took many years, and what I learned was that it was all about forming relationships with people. I couldn't do it alone. I needed to bring other people to the table who could truly make an impact. Only then was I able to make a difference. When I started building relationships with other people, I realized that it wasn't that people were ignorant or unsympathetic towards people with disabilities, but that they were just simply unaware and truly wanted to learn. I've been blessed to have great friends throughout my college life. These have grown into genuine relationships, and I can be myself when I'm around them. I can just be one of the guys. My junior year of college, my five best friends surprised me by taking me on a road trip for a week. We went through Texas, Colorado, and New Mexico, stopping at various destinations along the way. It was one of the first road trips I've ever taken with just friends and not my parents. It truly made me feel like I was just one of the guys and not that friend in a wheelchair. On the trip, we were able to joke around, make fun of each other, and just have a good time. Not once did I feel like I had to prove myself. They just accepted me for who I was. It was one of the most inclusive experiences in my life. Most of the time, I must navigate a world not designed for me. And so when someone opens their door to me and my friends with disabilities, it shows me that they truly care. It shows me that they want to know me for who I am as a person. And that they value me as an equal. It gives me hope that there will be a world that considers and includes us in the blueprint of any design, and not simply as an afterthought or an add on. Until then, I will continue to educate and create one relationship at a time. Thank you.
Toby:What I love about this is you knew what you wanted, your confidence and determination and, and the support that you made yourself open to I know for, for myself that it's not always easy to ask for what you want, especially, especially when you know what you need, but you don't always know how to get it. Where did you learn the skills to be confident enough to advocate for for what you need?
Kyle:I really learned my, those skills from my mother. Especially when I got to college. She told me that I just need to learn to advocate for myself and put myself out there and ask for people for help and she kind of just made me do it the hard way. I started asking her for help at least during my freshman year and she would just tell me ask your roommate or ask your friend to help you and eventually that just, I started getting more and more confident with asking people for help and that really put me out there. During my freshman year of college, I didn't really join anything. I didn't put myself out there. I didn't quite know how to advocate for myself. And so, it, it came with the learning experience. And so I... as I put myself in more situations where I needed help, I started getting more and more confident. And at the end of the day, people want to help you, they just don't know how. And I know I can relate to that when it comes to other disabilities. For example, I mean, I'm in a wheelchair, and so I know what my needs are, but a lot of times I don't know what someone with a different disability. Sometimes I don't know what other people with other disabilities need, like, being visibly impaired. I don't know what they might need help with, and so, and unless they tell me, I, I don't know.
Toby:About your mother, uh, she was an advocate in her own right, right?
Kyle:Yes, she was.
Toby:Um, do you mind, uh, talking about that a little bit? She, she was also on the board for CTD.
Kyle:Yes, she was on the Board for the Texas Council for Developmental and Disabilities for twelve years. And she, she started, before she came on the board, she did Texas Policy and Partners in Policymaking. And that's when she really started to learn about disability and being a disability advocate and really what people with disabilities wanted. When I was in elementary school, uh, I used to get pulled out for physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy. And after she took that training, Partners in Policymaking, she came back and asked me what I wanted. And I told her I didn't want, I didn't like being pulled out of class for all those therapies. And so she listened to me and she decided to pull out all therapies in school and started doing them at home so I wouldn't be pulled out. So my mom just really has been my biggest advocate and she listens to what I want, what I need, and she goes out there and is my my best supporter.
Toby:That's great. So To have that kind of in home direct support to advocate for you and, and champion your voice, but also encourage yours as well.
Kyle:Yeah, exactly...
Toby:That Is really vital for your, your growth. So it helped you become an expert in your own life, that kind of firsthand experience. That kind of thing can be really exhausting. Uh, most people I know are just exhausted by advocating, laughs) they're just very drained from fighting for their personal needs. They don't have that kind of support, or they learn bits and pieces of it through their daily life. And so, that can be a very draining thing, um, so, I wonder how did you make the shift from fighting for your personal needs to, community advocacy?
Kyle:Yeah.
Toby:Why is it so important to you?
Kyle:Yeah, um, I recognize that there is a need here in the community, and I gotta think about this for a second. Can you repeat the question?
Toby:Sure. So, I have friends that don't have similar supports. I mean, I, I actually have... my mom wasn't on the board of CTD. She wasn't on any board, but she was my champion as well. So I actually have similar experiences, I'm not very politically engaged, but I will say that it is very taxing to have to advocate for yourself constantly day in and day out. Let alone be encouraged to get into the political arena. What made you want to shift in that way, from yourself to for others? Because that could, that's a lot of energy. That's just... could take it out of you, but you seem to do it effortlessly, and you derive enjoyment out of it, which is great.
Kyle:Well, I know that advocating for yourself can be exhausting. I advocated for myself during my college years, and I tried to get a disability committee started, and I tried one way, and it, it failed.
Toby:What was it for?
Kyle:It was to advocate for people with disabilities.
Toby:Hmmm, ok.
Kyle:And it failed the first time I tried to get it going. And then it took five years before I got another one started. So it can be taxing, it can be, it can be time consuming, and you just gotta keep pushing and pushing. And you mentioned earlier that, you know, I had that support system, and one of the models that I follow is the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs. And...
Toby:Yes!
Kyle:...So, you know, when your basic needs are met, only then can you be successful. And so I believe that people with disabilities have a lot of potential, but if their basic needs cannot be met, then they can't achieve what their... what they wanna do, what their dreams. And people with disabilities have dreams and goals as well, but we, if they can't meet their basic needs, then they can't get there. So it's time consuming, but I recognize that a lot of people with disabilities may have not had... been as fortunate to have a parent or a someone there to help guide them. And so that's why we need more people out there advocating for us. And so I recognize that and I recognize that knowing how to advocate for myself, there are other people that don't. And so I need to be out there and putting my best foot forward.
Toby:Um, so what I'm hearing is that being of service to others is, is vitally important to you. Not just to reflect the the need that is there in the disability community, but to show that it is possible, and to make those connections.
Kyle:Yeah, definitely.
Toby:Err, I agree, 100%. Laughs, Uh...Laughs! Sorry, I'm reading two things at once, Kyle.
Kyle:It's alright, take your time.
Toby:Okay. Um, Where, where does that come from in you, need to connect on a communal level? Were you always interested in community engagement? And what does, what do acts of service mean to you?
Kyle:You know, I was not always interested in community engagement. My mom really pushed me in high school to get involved and I just simply didn't have an interest at the time. But she didn't force me to get involved, she didn't push me more than I needed to be pushed. She knew that eventually my time would come and I would learn that I needed to get out there and advocate for myself. And sure enough, that time did come. After my freshman, err... freshman year of college, after I figured out the ropes of college, and all my needs began to be met. Then I started becoming an advocate for other people and, and getting involved in the community. I didn't just join organizations that only had people with disabilities. I joined other organizations as well, such as Student Senate, uh, Men's Christian Fraternity and a bunch of other organizations. And so I, that really opened other doors to getting to know people outside of the disability realm. And once they knew who I was and what my story was, and they knew what I was passionate about, which was advocating for people with disability. They began to ask me questions and questions they probably wouldn't ask just anyone because they knew I wouldn't judge them for who they were, just genuinely wanting to know and just not knowing how to ask or when the right time was to ask or stuff like that. So it's just a... it's just a slow process, but you just take one step at a time, and you do it, do what you're comfortable with, and recognize that there's room to grow, but it's not gonna happen all at once.
Toby:That's so true. It's a journey, not a, not a race, and you get there at your own pace, and you have to meet people where they're at. Um, so, you brought up an interesting point, Kyle. I just wanna, um, touch on it really quick, and And, uh, if you don't mind exploring it. Uh, you brought up that you went, uh, to Texas Christian, uh, was it a fraternity, you said?
Kyle:Yeah, I got involved in a Christian fraternity.
Toby:Great. Um, I wonder, were you always, um, what was your religious upbringing like? Was that pretty significantly, positively impactful for you? Did that have a lot to help shape you, in like, in the way of your acts of service, of giving back to people and connecting with them on the communal level?
Kyle:Yes, I think my, my belief in, in God and and Jesus and just having a religious... coming from a religious background really helped shape my belief. You know, it, it, it gives me, gives me a perspective that there's other people that, that might not have the same blessings that I have, and that someone needs to be out there helping other people with disabilities. And so I, it really had a big impact in the way I, I view the world and viewing it in a positive light and seeing that there is hope in the end. And so, um, I always talk to my parents about this and I say, one of the reasons why I think I'm doing so well considering with my, with my disability is because I, I believe in, in Jesus and in God. And so that really plays a big part of my life. Most boys with my disease, they don't live to see past 20 and very few of them uh, are doing as well as I am at this age. And so I think I'm really blessed in that way, because of that.
Toby:Well, that's great. Uh, I love that. A positive outlook on, um, a positive outlook is always good, especially when you're helping, helping others. You mentioned a road trip, and your five best friends, um, is the fraternity, where you met these, these road trip buddies?
Kyle:No, it actually isn't where I, I met them. I went to college at Texas A. and M. and before, coming to Texas A& M, there was a Christian retreat called Impact Camp. Where you go and you get an introduction to Texas A& M, and... and you meet other Christians in the community, and you get introduced to A& M. And that's where I met my now best friend, Tug White. He just came up to me. I was playing games at the game tables, and he just was like, I'm Tug Wyatt, and do you wanna to play checkers or something?" And from being a person with a disability, I was a little skeptical at first, because I've had many people that are just coming out of an, er approach of sympathy and, you know, doing something for someone with a disability.
Toby:I know. It feels different for me when people approach me with empathy versus my experiences being pitied.
Kyle:Yeah, um, and I didn't get that sense from him. And today we still keep up, and he lived in my community too, and so we still meet up at least once or twice a week. But that's where I really started to meet him, and from there he introduced me to some of his other friends, and we became good friends, and, and so those developed into my five best friends, and one of them was actually my roommate during my undergrad. He was my roommate and attendant for all four years of my undergrad. But anyway, they got together and decided to surprise me with a road trip called,"Kyle Goes to Prom". And initially the, the trip, we were supposed to go out East and explore all the different barbecue joints because they know that I like barbecue. And so while they were planning all of it, a good friend of mine from El Passo, asked me if, asked me to her prom, and she went to my prom my senior year, and so I, having no idea about the road trip, I said"Yes". And so my mom had to call Tug and be like,"You either have to change the destination of the road trip or plan for another day." By that time, they were well into planning it, so they had to, uh, change the destination. So we, instead of going east, we'd go out to Colorado and, and get to El Paso in time for prom. That's why the movie got called Kyle Goes to Prom.
Toby:Well, that's really fun. Laughs! Uh, love some good barbecue. Laughs!
Kyle:Yeah, yeah!
Toby:And, uh. I think that's really cool, really sweet.
Kyle:Yes.
Toby:I'm curious about the different places you went to in your road trip.
Kyle:Yeah, we went to a bunch of different places. We went to Amarillo where we did the Big Texas Steak Challenge.
Toby:Oh my gosh! Chuckles!
Kyle:Then we went to, um, Colorado where we did Adaptive Whitewater Rafting.
Toby:Oh yeah.
Kyle:And then, we went, we went to the mountains in New Mexico, and, um, they got me out of the RV and we started going up this, this hill, mountain type thing, to. Up, up the mountain, and, uh, what they did is, they left the base of my wheelchair at the RV, and they just took the top part, and, And four of my friends, they got in each corner of the chair, and they put me on their shoulders, and we just started going up the mountain. We got to the top of the mountain, just started making up our own ghost stories, and making up stuff being, you know, talking about aliens and stuff. we're in New Mexico, of course, we had to talk about that. And so, that was just a fun time. You know, it, it wasn't the, the big parts of the road trip...
Toby:mm-Hmm.
Kyle:...sometimes it was just the little things. Um, you know, I remember we always had a driver and a wingman, because the RV was always moving even throughout the night. So, out of the five or six days there was only one night that the RV was actually still. Other than that, we were just moving, there would always be a driver and a wingman. But one memory I have on that road trip is driving up the mountain in Colorado and it was, the snow was coming out down hard and it was 1:00 AM and I was the wingman and we were just talking about life and talking about some of the issues of life with the disability and and stuff....and... having meaningful conversations.
Toby:The way you describe your, uh, your road trip with your friends. Um, that's not very, that's not a very common experience for, uh, guys in chairs, like us. That sounds like a lot of fun. Some of the places y'all went to, uh, there's some pretty high altitudes. Hope nobody got sick or anything.
Kyle:We were all good!
Toby:You mentioned that, uh, y'all made a, a documentary out of that experience.
Kyle:Yeah, so we did make a documentary about it. Uh, we released a trailer for it to er, try to raise more money for the film. Unfortunately, when the producer was in Dallas, the film footage got stolen out of the back of his car. And so they stole all the footage, the computer, the the backup hard drive. The producer spent the next few days looking for it, checking all the pawn shops, checking everywhere that they could and all the dumpsters. And they actually got a snapchat, er, of the person that sold the footage. He was wearing red shoes and had a and it had a hoodie. We were hoping that someone would be able to spot him. So we lost a lot of footage, so all we have right now is just the trailer,"Kyle Goes to Prom," and the memories. So we've all just kind of, we're a little bummed about that, but you know, we started talking and said, you know, we still have the memories of the trip. We can still share bits and pieces of the trip and so we we put together a 20 minute kind of film each of us telling about different parts of the trip. There's a link to that on my, on my portfolio that I have online, so... But at the end of the day, it's the memories that count. We still have all the memories and we can joke and laugh about all the good times we had on the trip.
Toby:Oh man, that really sucks, but I'm, I'm, I'm glad y'all got to spend that time together. That's a time y'all will treasure together forever.
Kyle:Yeah, me, me too. But, you know, I will say this, looking back, I would have never met those guys if I didn't, if I didn't come out of my comfort zone and decided to, to talk to people. Um, you know, get out there in the community and figure out what I'm passionate about. Just really be out there and advocating for people with disabilities and, you know, just putting myself out there. So looking back, seeing how I came from being a shy person to getting way out of my comfort zone, now I'm not afraid to talk to anyone about anything disability related or, or life related. But it started with just getting out there.
Toby:Well, that's great. I love that. While doing some research for the interview, I think what surprises me most, I discovered that you like to dance. That's really cool! I just I didn't see it coming(laughs). It was surprising, will you tell us about that?
Kyle:Yeah, so, um, me and my mom, we, we always watched a show called,"Dancing with the Stars" growing up, and, you know, before I stopped walking at age 11, I was, I loved to dance. That was just my thing, and I just had this knack for choreographing. So, um, my mom started taking dance studio lessons, and one thing led to the next that led to the next, and before I knew it, I was, I was choreographing this dance that I danced to. Um, the, the person that she worked out to arrange this dance, actually had a son with Autism, and so, she knew all about disability. And so, um, that's how that came about. So, I choreographed that whole dance and picked a song and, you know, the song is,"Never Enough". So it was the idea that, you know, I was never enough for, for someone. Never enough to be out there in the community. Uh, just, just never enough! And now, I just overcame that.
Toby:Yes! I know for, for myself that sometimes like when I'm doing something physical,like in a movement based piece where I'm feel the emotion moving me and feels like I'm connected with the people and things around me. Then I feel like I'm, I'm moving, like I'm in the piece and space, like I'm in tune with what I'm trying to do. And it's fun. It's fun to, to move like that. And it's fun to be in that space and to have that experience. And it's fun to create that energy and to share it with everybody.
Kyle:Awesome!.
Toby:Yeah, right, right! I also noticed lots of pictures of you with your dogs Everybody loves a good dog story. Will you tell us, uh, about them? Are they service dogs?
Kyle:Oh, yes, they are. Yeah, so I have service dog. Um, I've had a service dog since 2005, so, 17 years. And so my first service dog, her name was Bethany, I had her, she worked for me for eight years, and I had her for nine years, until she passed away at 11. And then I got another service dog, August, and he, he's still around today. He's working less and less because he's getting old and so he, he'll probably be getting ready to retire soon. But about a year after I got August, we decided to get another golden retriever puppy and just for the fun of it and she ended up being really smart and so we thought, why not make her a service dog too? So we, we trained her up and uh, she's a trained service dog too, that that, we train, we,,we knew how to train service dogs from my previous two service dogs. And so, um, yeah, they go everywhere with us. They, they can pick up things. They can open and close certain doors. Uh, they can turn on and off lights. They can put my laundry in the hamper. Um, the biggest thing I use them for is, is, uh, picking up stuff. Yeah, they're great to have.
Toby:Kyle, um, I think we're running out of time. Um, Uh, but what's one thing that you hope people take away from hearing your story?
Kyle:As I said earlier, you know, you've got to get out there in the community and, and learn how to advocate for yourself. If you don't have someone that can, that can do that and help you, there's lots of Mentors that would more than willing to help you advocate for yourself. There's resources and there's other people in the disability community that would gladly take you under the wing. So just learn how to get out there in the community. Don't be shy. It might be, might be weird at first and, and difficult at first, but what I learned is I, I got to take initiative. I can either sit back in my silo and, and not do anything and not take initiative or learn how to take initiative and eventually it will become a two way street. But, you know, we live in a community and a world not designed for us. So we got to figure it out how to navigate it. It will get easier. It's not always gonna be a struggle. Once you find the right people to have at your side and, and how to advocate for yourself, it does get easier. It does get better and eventually you just become this great person that you're meant to be.
Toby:That's true, people can show you the path, but it's yours to walk it alone. And don't be afraid to be a trailblazer, sometimes. I feel like Life, it does get a little bit better or at least a little bit tolerable. Giggles it's not... Life isn't half as obnoxious as you think it's going to be.
Kyle:Exactly.
Toby:Thank you, Kyle, we really appreciate your story. If our listeners relate to your story and want to connect with you, what's the best way for them to reach out, to you?
Kyle:I'm available on all social platforms, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn. The best way to get in touch with me through those avenues is Facebook or Instagram, but not get in touch with me, um, via email too.
Toby:Kyle's information can be found at Cox hyphen Consulting dot com. Thanks so much for being our guest, Kyle, and for being a part of the podcast this episode.
Kyle:Thank you. It was, er, fun being here.
Toby:Oh, excellent! I love that. Thanks we wish you the best, in all your endeavors!
Kyle:Awesome. If you need me for anything else or to record anything, I, I don't mind doing that, too. Alright thanks y'all! Bye
MsBoye:Dear friends, thank you for listening to this episode. Do you know that... do you know that sharing podcasts is a great way to build relationships with your friends and family, and a wonderful way to connect with new people? So, just think, if you share this episode with your friends and family, or talk about us on social media, not only are you going to strengthen your relationships, you're going to be changing the world at the same time. Thank you. Bye.
Toby:I'm Toby Al Trabulsi, and you've been listening to True Tales by Disability Advocates. Special thanks to our guests for sharing their time and their stories.
Kamand Alaghehband:All episodes of The True Tales by Disability Advocates Podcast, are free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and anywhere you get your podcasts.
John Beer:The program is funded in part by a grant from the Texas State Independent Living Council, the Administration for Community Living, and individuals like you.
Kristen Gooch:To learn more about The Speaking Advocates Program, sign up for our newsletter at artspark T X dot org. That's A R T S P A R K T X dot O R G.
.jpg)
